One is hungry. When one is simply excited

One would tend to think that being very in love offers a bonus to access the seventh heaven. However, it can happen that the force of the feelings compromises the meeting of the bodies. Can too much love stifle desire? Explanations.It is especially at the beginning of a relation, when worry is important, that love can hinder access to sexual fulfillment. The more the other is essential for us, the more we are afraid of losing it by disappointing and therefore showing off ones cellulite, or not being up to par. A defective self-image can thus inhibit the encounter. And even if one is quite sure of oneself, it sometimes happens that the affective issue, on its own, causes a breakdown of erection or pleasure, so much apprehension blocks us. To function properly, our body needs to be reassured as well as excited. The more we are in love with our partner, the more we want him/her. But desire is not a mere excitement – this physiological need is similar to that which one feels in front of a good dish when one is hungry. When one is simply excited by one’s partner – and not too enamored – to “consume” the sexual act is not a problem. But if the desire is based on the quest of the other, it is much larger and more complex. It is also based on the unconscious hope of finding an old sensation of fullness and enjoyment, the one once experienced, at the time of the fusion with the body of one’s mother. It is because we unknowingly associate certain beings with these buried memories that we love them so much. But this familiarity is a source of complications. Not only because of the “taboo of incest”, lurking in our unconscious, but also because eroticism needs to flourish in that your partner is different from you, a little foreign. It is based on the belief that the other has something that one does not have, and that one needs. Hence the idea that, by merging with this complementary being, one could attain happiness. Thus the two components of desire – the soft current and the erotic current, as Freud called them – can compete.And if tenderness prevails, we find ourselves in the shoes of these old couples, who are still very much in love, but who have become more brothers and sisters than lovers. Contrary to popular belief, both men and women need tenderness. “In everyday life, the little gestures and sweet words of their companion reassure them, give them the feeling of being appreciated, loved, so tenderness is a real cement for the couple”, analyzes Dr. Sly Brain, gynecologist and andrologist. Unfortunately, tenderness does not stimulate sexuality and may even tend to inhibit it.”Tenderness is rather maternal and thus not compatible with the sexual desire. “When a woman calls herself a mother by her husband or behaves like a mother watching over his health and well-being, it can be hard to see her as an object of desire, and even feel guilty about it.”, continues the specialist.

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